Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian

I think I’m in love with Audrey Horne. In case you don’t know who that is (and might I just interject, WHO’S JOSH GROBIN? KILL YOURSELF!) then you really need to watch Twin Peaks. She slinks around in tight sweaters and below the knee skirts trying to get the attention of Agent Cooper who is as inscrutable as he is heroic (very). She has a habit of calling everyone by their name, repeatedly, and she acts before she thinks. She also has her own theme music. She is pretty much sexy defined.

‘Sexy’ has been on my mind ever since I took a plane and was forced to read Cosmopolitan for the duration of takeoff. Cosmo chatted to four LADS from Luton (probably, I can’t remember) who each had their own unique take on what made a girl sexy. Whether it was large boobs or blonde hair, they all knew what they wanted, and heaven forbid if the girl talked too much or was successful in work “successful chicks are such ball-busters”.

I don’t know what I was expecting from Cosmo but it was about one hundred times more damaging and ridiculous than I could have imagined. Top on the intriguing list ‘21 Things Women Can Do That Guys Can’t, were, wait for it, getting pregnant and looking sexy while holding fruity drinks. And things we were instructed to do before we died included ‘Buy a pair of shoes you can’t walk in’, how’s that for ambition?

Anyway, if like me several fuses have just blown in your brain because this kind of stuff is actually IN PRINT, in 2010, then maybe you should take a leaf out of my book and relax; Audrey Horne style.



To be continued . . .